I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
