in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
