somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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