I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He passed out mid-signature
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
