i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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