there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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