Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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