The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My bed smells like the plague
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
