I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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