that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
