I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
