he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
