my sisters under your porch take her home
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
