If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
