Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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