So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
