Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
