You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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