how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
