gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
