he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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