Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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