How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
