Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
