you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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