I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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