JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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