i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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