so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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