I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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