I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
