he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
