chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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