if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
