I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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