then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no you cant smoke seaweed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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