If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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