I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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