I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm just crazy horny about you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
