I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
