I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
