im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
