There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
