I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
