Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
not ubering you a puppy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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