I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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