I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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