the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You ruined the universe
Randomize
