i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
