You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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