That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
