You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
