like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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