U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
