He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
