its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
