and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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