you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
